I am a man in a girl’s body. I am a 25 year old transgender. All my feelings and desires are man’s desires. There is a huge conflict between whata I feel and I what I see in the mirror. I tried so hard to convince myself otherwise but I couldn’t , since I was little I always behaved and followed the way my brothers would act even though I have two older sister I never been interested in what they do or how they behave.
When I went to primary school I was fully convinced that I am a boy and not a girl. I used to hear other girls saying things about me such as; she is looking like a man. When I was eleven I was so confused I couldn’t believe the first time I had my period. I didn’t tell anyone about it. I was afraid they would figure out the truth and see me as a less of a man.
In the secondary school my parents obliged me to wear the Hijab , they did everything they could to change me and stop me from acting like boys. But I harshly refused to obey.
Although the violence , both physical and emotional, the insults, the beating I didn’t surrender and I resisted against all the pressure and oppressions they put on me so I can be what I really want .
Like any other biological female my breasts at a certain age started to become visible and curvy as a result I would bind my chest so it looks flat.
Living that life was never easy, at some point I decided to leave my family and run away to a place where nobody knows me. I kept running from one city to another seeking peace and trying to hide.
Again, I found myself in the streets with no shelter, no support but with much more pain. I was broken inside, devastated with this life.
In Tunisia they will never accept any sexual or gender differences. They insult us with the meanest comments. I couldn’t find any way to live and eat but selling my body.
From a trans man whose only dream is to live that he dreamt of I became a slut. There is literally no one who would protect,support or guide us through this journey. No one is aware of our situation as a trans community who lives in the dark margin of the society.
No one understands the dysphoria or the conflicts we go through with ourselves in the first place and with the ignorant arrogant society.
I think I will stop here because I don’t want to remember further pain and torture that I have been through.
One last things I would like to add : one day I will be the person I always wanted to be
People who suffer from such dysphoria feel insecure missunderstood isolated rejected and unsafe. They are oftenly treated so bad from both family and society because they believe that this is not accepted. However the trans community still to this day puts alot of efforts to survive and fight for their rights and visibility .